Space
by YamCAKE
Summary: You're so close, yet so distant. You'll never come closer to any of the feelings I hold. A collection of angst-filled short stories featuring different characters and different types of hurt.
1. Natsume

"Natsume," she would say, staring at you while you sat under the tree, usually after tiring times such as missions. "Natsume, are you okay?"

You feel a mixture of annoyance, uneasiness, and a twinge of happiness. Annoyance because she interrupted your supposed-to-be peaceful evening, uneasiness at her finding out what was really wrong with you, and finally, happiness because she's showing concern for you.

You wouldn't reply, because you were the careful type who always took precautions. Yet she didn't give up probing you, so you took out a manga to distract her. Emotions carefully masked, you wouldn't so much as glance at her, silently willing her to walk away.

But she didn't.

Carefully lowering your manga, she lowered her face until it was only a few inches from your own. "Natsume, I know you just returned from a mission. You must be really tired. Why don't you go to your room to rest?" She told you softly, her tone so gentle it made you want to caress her face lovingly.

But you didn't.

You were _Natsume Hyuuga_. You were the one who did the missions for the sake of others, the one who didn't flinch at pain, the fire wielder. The one who loved, more than anything_, Mikan Sakura_.

They had gotten everything they wanted. You suffered, did the dirty work, and hid the pain behind the blank mask on your face. You got stabbed, slashed at, and risked your health for the missions. You gave them everything.

Everything _except _Mikan. You aren't going to give her up to the darkness in your world, even if it takes your last breath away. They won't get her, _ever_. You'll make sure of that.

And so, you brushed her away, always holding her at arm-length so that she wouldn't change. _Ever._


	2. Mikan

After those years of Natsume and his missions, you finally understood his pain. Silently, in the shadows, you began those dreadful things in order to lessen his burden. It's not as if you had a choice in the first place, because _Persona _forced you to. You didn't put up a fight, or even struggle, because you knew you didn't stand a chance.

You can at least keep it a secret from the others. They have no need to get involved. What they don't know can't possibly hurt them.

You aren't the careful type. Any moment now, you might just leak your secret out unknowingly. And so, you tire yourself by telling yourself to be careful every step of the way, never failing to set up the nullification barrier around you and your mind. You made up fake excuses Persona supplied you just to skip class for those missions. You know you are drifting further apart from them, but you kept at your pitiful outer facade that Hotaru knew so well. She didn't guess, much less the others.

Inside, your heart was roaring with the pain Natsume knew. The pain of causing damage to others. The pain of knowing you've rotted to black and had been deceiving _your friends_ all along.

_Your friends._

You did slip up. That time you ended up at the hospital for _surgery_, you were absent for an entire fortnight. Yuu knew where to find you, and so the group trooped there and got a total shock, seeing you equipped with an oxygen mask with several needles stuck into your hands. You couldn't move, because Persona wouldn't risk an escape from you, and had threatened to take away the people most important to you.

When you got back to class, the lie you've spent two weeks thinking about smoothly laid itself out. "I was climbing a tree when i fell accidentally, therefore causing damage to my ribcage. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt me in the very least," You flashed your award-winning smile, and made sure that no one saw you wincing in pain.

No one, or so you thought. You slipped up _again_ like the clumsy person you are, and a few times, Natsume saw through you. At night, while you were returning to your room, _he_ was there, holding you firmly against your own door, demanding to know why you've lied.

You should have known.

He was broken enough. With your heart squeezing so tightly because of regret, you said, "Natsume, please let me go," before opening and then shutting the door in his face. Inside, you sob openly on the stone floor, leaning against the door for support. His shadow never disappeared from beneath, and with you and him so close, yet separated from the wooden material, you fell asleep, into despair and agony.


	3. Hotaru

You kept with that cold attitude of yours.

Why?

Because you were afraid of pain. Be it causing pain to others, or hurting yourself, you were afraid.

What if the person you love abandons you? What if you get hurt, and then like Natsume, wasn't able to climb back out? What if people finds out you're _scared_?

You have the brains, the pretty face, and the slim figure. You have money, status as a three-star, and a circle of good friends which are loyal through and through.

You lack the courage to speak up and voice your fears. What if people find you troublesome when you had only wanted somebody to lean on? Mikan wouldn't do, because _she _needed _you_ more than _you_ needed _her_. The rest of your friends don't know about your soft side.

You like Ruka. You like him, more than just a friend, but you've lost him to Mikan.

You've seen so much of the world when your parents tried to save you from Gakuen Alice. You've experienced both sides of the world, the black and the white. You've learnt that everyone have black holes in their heart that they can't fill. And so, when the wound gets bigger and deeper, you stitch it back, but it leaves a scar on your heart you can never heal.


	4. Tsubasa

Sometimes you wonder if she even cares. She seems so close to you, but when you accidentally "let go", she might slip from your grasp. You don't have the guts to admit it, but you really, really _like_ her, and you're afraid that you'll fall apart if you take that first step.

She's different. She can make you hurt, make you confused, make you angry and possessive. She can make you laugh, she can calm you down. She, together with your friends, shaped you into what you are now. You can't imagine what's going to happen after graduation-you wonder if everything will stay the same.

If you ask her about it, she'll probably just laugh and shrug it off. Maybe she'll start to avoid you. That's why you keep silent, but every time you see her smile at you, your heart pounds and you wonder if it's love or friendship.

But you're not risking anything.

**(A/N: Tried a lighter tone o-o, how did it work out?)**


End file.
